For Love



Sarah Holland


Copyright Sisters For Love MRKH Foundation.  

​All rights reserved.

​​​Dear My Sister,​

​It has taken me a while to get here, but I am now ready to share with you some of what has been my story. I hope your journey is not too painful, but with my words you may find some comfort that you are not alone. Here goes…….

MRKH is a path full of surprises!

My Dad bought me a vibrator! Yep, that’s right, my very own vibrator!

So at 16, thinking I had received my first period (which totally turns out it wasn’t -just a result of a heavy night on the booze.. ooops), my mum took me to the doctors to find out what was actually going on!

After continuous visits, blood tests, ultra sounds (let me tell you- the internal one was not very pleasant), the inconclusive results and ‘intimate experiences’ confirmed that I was off to Melbourne. After what seemed like ‘never ending tests’ was the final ultrasound (where I actually pissed on the bed I was lying on, because I’ve never need to pee so bad ever in my life whilst being poked with a big metal thing).

Then I heard the life changing words that broke my heart and tore my life into a million pieces. The specialist said “you have no uterus, which means you won’t be able to have children.” 

“Wait, what, hold on a sec”.

Well, it turned out that wasn’t the exact truth and although I don’t have a uterus, I still have two fully functioning ovaries. This was followed up with an amazing specialist appointment with the amazing Dr. Sonia Grover, who was able to elaborate on the details, demonstrating my amazing strength as a sixteen year old who had no idea what was going on.  

“Wow, I might not ever have a baby, WTF!”.

The doctor went on to confirm a number of further medical concerns, which were luckily not to severe- just mild scoliosis in my lower spine (if you can call that not severe?). Now let me tell you- this is still a lot to try and absorb in one day. Fortunately, my lovely doctor was brave enough to breach the topic, “are you already sexually active?”

I replied, “Ummm yep, guilty....”.

So turns out this was a positive outcome, after having the speech about dilation and surgery. The advice offered was “as it seems that you are already sexually active and it doesn’t seem to be causing an issues, why not get a vibrator to help with building your vagina, you may as well keep having fun?”.

A small win perhaps? However, I was still underage so that’s what resulted in a very awkward ‘family adventure’. A little while after this epic burden, we were off to Shepparton for a shopping day as little retail therapy is always good! So whilst I was under strict instructions to remain in the car, off went mum and dad into this creepy looking sex shop. My only input into what they were to buy for me was- I wanted a purple one! So as I waited patiently in the car, I peered out the back window to see my dad gripping so tightly onto a brown paper bag and mum, pacing anxiously along behind him.  The proceeded to jump back in the car with hardly a word spoken - both bright red and mum with a slight grin upon her face.

I didn’t even get to see the ‘product’ until we got home, but it was definitely purple!

So, I am forever sorry daddy that this was the way you had to find out your innocent daughter wasn’t a virgin! And from the stories I’ve heard, using a vibrator was way better than dilatory therapy.

So this is the path I was given. The biggest underlying question, who will ever love me if I can’t give them a family? Yes - men can be seen as complete pricks. My boyfriend at the time of diagnosis told me it was my own fault because I started drinking too young! Of course my hurting allowed this thought to run through my head. This all lead towards my downward spiral consisting of underage drinking, promiscuity and soon after, recreational drug use – all my self-prescribed escapism tactics. But back to reality - not all men are actually pricks. I had a few nice ones along the way, who were more than accepting of my circumstances, in which I very openly discussed in the first months of our relationship.  So, as scary as it is to tell someone, the lesson learnt in my journey is- don’t be afraid to be honest. If they are not accepting of who you are and everything that comes along in your bubble, then they don’t deserve you. Go find someone who does. In all seriousness, having  a family isn’t always going to be the first and only thing on a guy’s mind- most men will be alot more accepting than you think.

Not only was finding out one of the hardest things I’ve ever encountered in my life to date, but it has also set me on a path that has made me stronger, allowing me to share my special and awkward moments along the way. Plus, I have also had the opportunity to meet some very special women who I now consider friends for life. Having MRKH has not defined my life- yep sure it has lead to me making some ‘not-so-smart’ choices in life but at the time, that’s what I needed to do. Knowing that I had friends and family always there to care and support, meant that I had the space to actually make mistakes along the way. Having MRKH isn’t easy but hey, how boring would life be if it wasn’t. Life should be filled with up’s, down’s and epic challenges- so welcome them. This is your path, so live it.

MRKH is just an obstacle along the way.

And even though I had to encounter the awkward and funny moment of dad buying me my very first vibrator, he certainly didn’t buy my last, Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!

With love your Sister,

Sarah Holland
Melbourne, Aged 27