Copyright Sisters For Love MRKH Foundation.
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Dear My Sister,
It has taken me a while to get here, but I am now ready to share with you what has
been my story. I hope your journey is not too painful, but with my words you may
find some comfort. Here goes……..
Wow, where to start. I could probably write about ten pages on my journey, so i think i should limit myself mainly to the attitude i adopted to cope with life's challenges with MRKH.
I am 46 years old and like many others was diagnosed at age 17. I had the usual experience of using dialators which only worked to a certain point, and then at age 22 had surgery where a skin graft was taken from my leg to create the rest of my vagina. I was born with no uterus at all just tissue floating around that was the start of fallopian tubes that never formed. I have 2 functioning ovaries but one is in a bit of a weird place.
If I had to tell my teenage self what to expect it would be to go with the flow and not think that you are less of a woman than anyone else, and that you don't need to prove that to anyone especially yourself. MRKH affected the decisions I made throughout my life but in the most part they were of a positive nature.
I married a man who already had two children and thoroughly enjoyed being a stepmother. I had a few foster children over the years. I had a two year old foster daughter who i cared for for two years, and even though it was heartbreaking when she went back to her parents I still view the experience as the most important thing I've ever done in my life. She came to me as a neglected child and left as a confident 4 yr old well ahead of her peers. I am grateful to MRKH for that as I know none of those choices would have happened if I wasn't proactively seeking out what wasn't going to come to me naturally.
My advice to young people newly diagnosed is to never allow yourself to be a victim of it just find other ways of getting what you want. There are children everywhere that you can help and become an inspiration to, why is being a mother the be all and end all to everything, that's society telling you that. I am a primary school teacher and even though i have no biological children I am around children everyday. I have adult stepchildren and foster children who are just as important to me as biological children.
I know people that are living their life in misery because they are unable to get pregnant. I believe you can only fight for that for so long before you need to think maybe the universe has a different plan for me. Maybe I can experience what I need a different way.
The most difficult part of it all for me was at 17 being ready to have relationships and knowing that i was different than everyone else. At the start of every relationship I was freaked out about having sex the first time and whether I needed to explain anything or not, but the truth of it is that I had good sexual relationships even before and after my operation.
I was married for sixteen years and we separated four years ago. As soon as we separated I went into panic mode and all those fears about sex came back like I was 17 again as I knew I would be back out there with new people feeling like i was different than everyone else. That's what I would say about the realities and truths of the situation is that you may think that you have it all worked out but then sometimes a spanner gets thrown in the works. My reaction was to just go out there and get over it thinking that I wasn't allowing myself to be a victim of it. I spent a year sleeping with a lot of people partly because i was very hurt over my marriage breakup and partly proving that I wasn't a victim of my condition. I don't regret it because it got me through it, but in reality i was doing the opposite i was making myself a victim of it.
The reality of it is that you carry it with you throughout your life and sometimes it influences you in a positive way and other times in a negative way. For me I make the most of what I have and look on the positive side of it all. I've never had to have periods, never had to bother with birth control, and I knew straight away the score. I didn't spend years thinking I would have a baby and then find out I couldn't. There are thousands of genetic conditions that are far worse than what I was handed out. I believe that everything happens for a reason and i'm very happy with how my life has gone so far.
I have only just found this website. I have never met anyone with MRKH so I hope to one day. In the meantime it's great to read about other people's experiences.
... With Love,
The Crazy Gemini